A Dream of Severance

I walked through the empty halls of my high school with Josh by my side, just as I had what feels like a lifetime ago. My partner left me at the door, understanding that I had to do this alone. This faceless, nameless man was the love of my life, my soul mate, my future, and so he waited patiently as I journeyed through my past.

I looked up at Josh, who hadn’t grown past 16. He was radiant, young, and full of life. So was I as I reinhabited my 15 year old body. We walked our familiar route through the K wing, as if he was walking me to class again. But he wasn’t. I was walking him, in what felt like slow motion. I was here to drop him off, knowing that I’d never see him again.

Nothing had changed around us. The lockers were mustard yellow with spots of scratched metal showing through. Instead of a mob of teenagers pushing past each other, it was just me and him, stepping forward in an empty space. We shared this air of happiness, liked we’d found each other after a lifetime of separation and were finally where we were meant to be. 

We pushed through the double doors in the H Wing, and arrived to his drop off spot. He turned to look at me and God, I felt 15 again. His eyes were warm and and fixed on me as if nothing else existed in that moment. And it didn’t. The tangible world faded away, and I remembered what it was to be consumed with love. My heart raced but I was calm, I was at peace and full of this tingling warmth. I felt like I was floating, only for a moment.

“Thank you for bringing me here,” he said, “where I belong.”

We hugged with a knowing that this was the last goodbye, the last time our realities would intersect, that every possible form of connection between us would forever be severed. It was surprisingly joyful for both of us, like we’d both been set free. 

I turned away to meet my boyfriend, who was leaning against the exit door ahead of me. I grabbed his hand and he asked me how it went. He asked me if I still loved him. 

“He was my first love, a part of me will always love him.” I explained. “But now we are on our own, true paths.” 

He grabbed my hand and we walked outside to a beautiful, sunny day. We stepped blissfully into our future, into a new life together, leaving Josh to spend his life in prison.