Several people have been shocked to see me light up when they ask about my fitness competition. To most it looks like months of a restricted diet and physical exertion. More than once I’ve heard, “I’m tired just thinking about it.” But when I share my experience I start talking really fast and way too much, like I’d just crushed some extra pre-workout. It can be overwhelming to get slammed with this type of energy. I can see it on their bewildered faces.
So how did I get to this place?
Good question. It took me years to get where I am on my fitness journey. And I don’t mean that in a physical way. I’ve been more fit, more flexible, and have had a lower body fat. What I mean is that it took time to arrive at a place where my physical activity was rooted from a place of love.
To see the contrast of where I am today, lets dive into where I started, and more importantly, why.
1. Community
I was an athlete growing up, dedicated to softball year round, basketball in the winter, soccer one fall, and rugby another. It was an outlet for me on several levels. I was a part of a team, and always had a place where I felt that I belonged. I had a mindless escape, it was a beautiful place that allowed me to live only in the present moment.
2. Esthetics
Despite all that, I was slightly overweight (mostly as a kid, and then again in college). So I exercised to look cute in my new bikini, to fit into a new dress, or to be accepted in what was defined as beautiful, which in my youth was being “thin.”
3. Escape
It’s a well known fact that exercise can aid in fighting depression. A 20 minute cardio session pumps you with endorphins, can boost your mood and leave you with energy to push you through the day. As a native New Englander, I experienced seasonal depression from about October through April. The dark months and cold mornings felt draining and in turn I felt lifeless. So when everyone became sedentary and cozy at home, I ramped up my workout regimen. I tried to trick my body into thinking it was spring. I basked in the LED lighting at the gym. When I could feel the blood pumping through my veins, the pounding of my heart, and sweat drip through my clothes I felt grounded in my body again. I felt alive.
I didn’t always cope this way. In college I used alcohol and drugs as my escape. It was easier, it was quicker, and at that point I was strictly existing in a place of survival. That instant gratification spiraled into a constant source of comfort, until fitness made its way back to me. In this way, although I hadn’t addressed the true source of my depression, I traded one addiction for another, seemingly healthier one.
4. Empowerment
At 30, I drastically shifted my perspective on fitness. I no longer exercise to “fix” a part of my body or to escape my negative emotions. How did I get here? By working through those internal conflicts! Yes, this is a physical and spiritual journey. Addressing my belief systems and thought processes allowed me to heal and then detach from my coping mechanisms.
Now I exercise to celebrate my body, to celebrate my current strength and to push the limitations that I had placed for myself. I consciously choose to work out, simply because it’s fun to me. Honestly, it has only been fun after removing the judgement and the pressure of image and performance.
How I Use this Mindset During Prep:
During my competition prep I’ve learned the importance of intuitive eating and exercise. Do I follow my coach and her plan? Yes, in a way. She gives me a list of workouts for the week, and while I complete them all, I do so at my discretion. I choose the workout I’m doing that day based on how my body feels. Do I count macros? Yes. But I choose to eat those foods when I feel hungry.
It’s true, the plan is strict, but it is not imprisoning. Does it take time? Yes, but I still have time for everything else. There is no feeling of sacrifice when my time spent exercising is a conscious choice and not a task to complete out of obligation. This has been the big difference in shifting exercise from a physical need to a source of joy.
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