Dismantled

What if you just let go of your whole life? Let it fall apart at the seams. Step away from your job, forget about your 401k or your investments, or that “what am I supposed to do next” thought. Wake up in the morning whenever your body is ready, and feel out what you want to do that day. What’s calling your soul? 

The part of me that is a “realist” (stuck in the perceived truths of this reality) says yea right. How can you live that way when there are three thousand and forty one things to worry about, to do, to plan for, and that could go wrong. I was taught to work, to fulfill certain social roles, and to build security for my future. Check off all those boxes, and don’t question how limiting it is to be able to fit into any or all of them.

Another aspect of me is just observing myself in the life I’ve created already. I went to school for 8 years, became a doctor, supported myself, moved across the country alone, and travelled to various regions of the world. I look at all that I’ve done and I KNOW that I can do absolutely anything. Because the reality is, I already have.

So I’m here, at this nexus point (again) where I’d like to let it all go. People ask me “how do you do it?” Well, for one, I live a simple life. I am unattached, in several ways. I have no mortgage, car payments, or kids. I am responsible for nobody but myself, and this way of life was a choice. I am unattached from the need to have a mortgage, new car, or kids, to climb the latter at work, or to save the world. These were all very important to me at one point. I needed them like you might need a new iPhone when it comes out. 

Now I am satisfied with the smallest moments of this human experience; hot coffee on my patio, unstructured writing, baking and feeding the people I love, simple interactions with the people I come across, the smell of damp grass in the morning, the colors of the sun reflecting off the clouds, the sound of my own breathing.

With every aspect of my life dismantled, I can get up and ask myself why i am doing what I choose to do. Is it enhancing my ability to enjoy these experiences, or getting in the way of them? This short human experience is a collection of moments, and these moments are OUR choice. 

So what is calling your soul?